The Word "Polyamory"

One of my favorite authors is Lewis Thomas -- "Lives of a Cell," and "Late Night Thoughts on Listening to Mahler's Ninth." I've always been fascinated by the writing that he does on the origins and tracks of human language. There is a frustrated linguist in my soul -- I love it when we track human language to its roots and discover what our "language making" behavior tells us about who we are.

You've been warned. This is one of those "intellectual" posts. Decide accordingly.

I have been thinking about the genesis of the word "polyamory." We use it to describe that part of our relationship dynamic which is, by definition, not monogamous. We often cite the "definition" of the word as -- a coined term that combines the Greek "poly" meaning "many,"and the Latin "amour" meaning "love." Within that somewhat superficial, throw-away definition, polyamory means "many loves." Or something like that.

So... my interest in the evolution of language took me to this site where the origins of the word are described and explained. All of that is interesting, but I just keep feeling like there is something deeper to the practice of living polyamorously. Really. We do this, and it just has to have something more than that business of "many loves" (which is exactly what it says it is) --sort of...

Where? Where is the language link that gives me the depth of awareness and understanding that I am hungering after?

More searching for the etymology of the parts of this "made up" word, gave me these bits of information:

poly- combining form meaning "many, much," from Greek poly-, combining form of polys "much;" Sanskrit: purvi "much," prayah "mostly;" Old Persian: paru "much;" Greek plethos "people, multitude, great number," pleres "full," polys "much, plenty," ploutos "wealth," plethein "be full;" Lithuanian: pilus "full, abundant;"

amour-- Function: noun; Etymology: Middle English, "love, affection;" from Latin, from amare "to love": a usually illicit love affair

Alright, now this is starting to get a little more interesting. I like the sense that is conveyed by words like "abundant," and I am intrigued by the fact that, at its roots, polyamory is, somehow, tinged with the echoes of "illicit love."

Looking further -- I wonder about the roots of "abundant" and "illicit." Check it out:

abundant, adjective: very plentiful; more than sufficient; ample; well-supplied; rich (in something)

illicit, adjective: from French illicite (14c.), from Latin, illicitus "not allowed, unlawful, illegal."

Thinking about that. What if, when we talked about polyamory, we said that it was (at least currently): Not allowed and illegal; a way of loving that brings a sense of being sufficiently, amply, plentifully connected in intimate relationships which give one a rich, well-supplied life?

Not "more love." Instead, "abundant love." With awareness that we are among those who would choose an "illicit, illegal, unlawful" life if it gave us joy and rich relationships. I like the settledness of that -- less of a tinge of poly-fuckery, and more of an awareness of having what is "sufficient."

Polyamory.

swan