Switching -- Memories

We used to switch, He and I.



When we first met, and began to play together, He occasionally found the idea of bottoming appealing. Part of that was, I imagine, the way He'd been trained when He first entered into His lifestyle explorations... and part of it seems very likely to have been that He was enough of a hedonist to get some pleasure out of the sort of intense sensations that bottoming can bring.



I was much newer into BDSM at that time, and not at all certain that I had it in me to play the role of "Top," but He wanted it, and so it became not a matter of my desires, but rather, His. In time, I became a fairly competent Top. Too, it was my goal, as Top, to please Him, and so I found my way into a style of playing that worked for us both.



It was His belief that the two roles, Top and bottom, were not really opposites of each other, but part of a continuum of experiences and orientations. He used to "lecture" me at some length about the similarities in traits required by partners on either side of the exchange. I don't think I ever really bought the "same only different" theory, but I did, eventually, find a sort of peace and pleasure in the switching that we shared.



For me, it fulfilled a couple of interesting experiential niches: First, it entailed a demanding set of technical skills. I enjoyed finding the mind space that allowed me to use implements with skill, create the experience I desired, and offer pleasure to my Partner. The other thing that switching did for me was to allow me to communicate with Him, very concretely, about my experiences as a bottom. Taking Him through a session, bringing Him the same kinds of pleasures and pains that I endured at His hands, gave me assurance that He knew what He was doing with me, and understood what I was experiencing.



We don't do it anymore. Whatever drove His desire to assume the bottom role from time to time has evaporated. I miss it. It was a connective bridge and a communicative vehicle that is simply no longer a part of our repertoire. He prefers the gentler touches of massage and scratching, and so the more intense forms of impact play are reserved for me alone. It isn't something that pulls at my mind steadily, but I am aware that there are times when I'd surely like to show Him just a bit of what I believe He's forgotten about His "toys."



Oh well. Good memories.



swan