Shadows

A friend was telling me of spending time with a small child who had just become aware of his shadow.

Lovely image.

I was caught by the notion that there is some of that to WIITWD... seeing that shadow, and becoming engaged with it; chasing it and dancing with it in the same simple sense of wonderment that we might have had as a small child.

Because.

Coming to know our shadow is about coming to know ourselves.

In the most literal sense, shadows strip away all the externals and show us our own solid outlines -- without the frills and dazzlements. In shadow, we are two-dimensional. There is no "behind," and no "in-front." There is no "face." While shadows eliminate detail, they also eliminate hiddeness.

Most of us, if we are even a bit introspective, understand that there is something of the shadow to our natures as well. There are depths of our psyches/spirits/souls which do not come to light for us emotionally unless we choose to deliberately embrace the darkness that is ours. Whatever makes up that "shadow" interior -- secrets, fears, greed, pettiness, dreams, shames -- there is no living as a whole and balanced human without seeking out and making those parts of us welcome. It is, in my view, precisely that exploration of the dark within us that is facilitated by strong BDSM partnerships. Whether we are dominant or submissive, the pairing that BDSM creates can give us a companion who agrees to consciously and deliberately journey into our personal depths and darkest corners.

Shadow may even have spirit connotations for some of us. Some cultures understand an unattached or unattended shadow to be the manifestation of a ghost -- earlier generations called them shades. The belief is that the shadow represents some remnant of a life that has been unable to end for some reason. Other's might believe that shadows are evidence of God's power or presence around an individual -- hence shadows are the darker half of halos.

A friend stumbled into my "shadow cupboard" recently. It's a place where I write just for me, and where no one is supposed to look. Except me. I started doing that writing as an alternative to psychotherapy aabout a year ago. There, I pour out the fears and the resentments and the doubts and the sorrows that come and go from time to time. Because, there are times when I am not as solid or as serene as people sometimes think "slaves" are supposed to be. Perhaps other people get to that "life is wonderful all the time" place, but I don't have a map that takes me there. I get pissy and scared. For a long time, I felt like that part of who I am was shameful or somehow bad. I tried to repress those feelings -- tried to tell myself that the path to peace was to try and "kill" those feelings. Not acknowledging and embracing my "darker" places simply made me crazy. And spending precious time and resources with any of the "mental health professionals" that I've managed to link up with has seemed a colossal waste. So, upon occasion, I take myself off to my "cupboard" and I take out and examine whatever darkness is within me and upon me. I spend time feeling what I feel. I write what I need to write. I accept that part of who I am, put whatever it is in a safe place, and then I move on. For me, that works. I find that I visit that place less and less frequently. It abides in stillness and quiet for the most part, and I go through my days knowing it is there, but not burdened by it any longer.

Perhaps our very young children demonstrate something important for all of us -- the shadow is us. It is neither good nor bad; it simply is, and when we learn to dance with our shadows, we become more fully alive and more honestly human.

swan