Just Stay Home, People!

We had the first snow of the season yesterday morning. It started in the wee hours, and by the time I got ready to head off to school, at about 6:45 AM, there was MAYBE half an inch of slushy snow on the ground. For the most part, the streets were wet, although here and there it was slippery.

In many places, the fact of snow on a December morning would hardly surprise anyone, but this is Cincinnati. We are just a bit north of the Mason-Dixon line, and those who have lived here all their lives have no love for snow.

Snow puts most of the locals into a total panic. The local television and radio stations hype any possibility of winter precipitation until the entire place is in a total frenzy. The Department of Transportation folks hit the streets hours and hours ahead of a predicted storm to "pre-treat" the roads, and once there is actual precipitation, there are salt trucks everywhere. The average resident is likely to imagine impending doom and rush off to the grocery to stock up on bread and milk. By the time a winter storm actually hits town, there isn't a loaf of bread or a quart of milk to be had at any price.

But...

I am from Colorado. I learned to drive in snowy weather. I've driven the high mountain passes in howling blizzards. I've navigated my car through weather so intense that I had to drive from reflective marker to reflective marker on the highway because there was no way to tell where the road was otherwise. I am often bemused by the local obsession with snow. Sometimes, I am simply annoyed with the silliness. Then there are days, like yesterday, when the whole business makes me completely furious.

Yesterday morning, leaving home at 6:45 AM, for what is normally a 15-20 minute commute, I quickly discovered that every route was a snarled mess of cars going nowhere much at all. The on ramp to the highway was backed up all the way to the bottom where the ramp connects with the side street. The four lanes of highway traffic at the top of the ramp were all sitting, idling, going nowhere very, very slowly. When things did open up and move a bit, it was only for a matter of a few feet. All along the way, there were cars spun out and off in the ditches, or smashed up against the median barrier. At one point, I passed a city-owned salt truck pulled off the side of the road. The driver was sitting in the front seat, staring ahead, trying to choke the life out of the steering wheel - scared half out of his mind. Honest! I am not making this up!

I poked along, travelling at about 5 mph (when I was moving at all). At 7:45, I phoned the school to give them the word that I was on my way, but it was clear that after an hour on the road, I was still a good long way off. Creeping and crawling, inch by inch, I finally made it to school at 8:25 AM -- just 20 minutes short of a two-hour commute. GRRRRRRRRR!

It was a harrowing drive. My day started not slowly and intentionally but in a jumble from which there seemed to be no escape. We only have a few snowy days each year -- never enough for people to learn how to do it. So forever and for always, here in Cinci, the days when it snows create their own special brand of insanity. Just stay home, people!

swan