Retrospective -- April, 2009

April was a difficult and stressful month for us. The surgical recovery absorbed much of our attention and energy. Still, even in the midst of that, we found places to laugh and wonder at life. Here's a look back at the month of April --

I have a very highly developed "WHAT IF" thought process. I am a worrier. My recollection is that I've done it all my life. I never really fully relax. I am forever projecting into the possible future and fussing about things that I cannot get a handle on * * * It is always intriguing to watch healthcare professionals as they confront our reality. Many, even most, simply choose to not acknowledge it. It really does seem that for the most part they believe that it isn't something that they need to know about, and so they simply look past it * * * He looked at that pillow and He looked at me, and He said, "awwww, Honey, I'd love to, but I just don't think I can * * * I've proven to myself, that I will do what is needed -- anything that is needed, and never balk and never blink. I am not just playing; not just pretending. I am more than "up to" the task of being His, and if there was ever any doubt, then it has been banished in these last few weeks. Anyone who wants to go toe to toe for the position that I hold in His world -- just bring it * * * Recuperation just takes time * * * the place where I go to recharge is to Him -- the security and safety of His care and His arms is, for me, a refuge. That hasn't been available, and I am beginning to feel the strain * * * Nothing is happening here outside of the day to day work of recovering from major surgery and learning an entirely new lifestyle * * * Today, April 23, is Master's 60th birthday. There are lots of important historical events that happened on this day (see the list below), but for me and for T, the most important thing to ever happen on this day was the birth of this wonderful, good, caring, strong man that we love so very much * * * As we've gone through the preparations and the actual surgery -- and the recovery process, so many of our readers have reached out to tell us that they are holding us up in whatever way they can. From around the world, people we've never met, except in this cyber neighborhood, have reached out across the distances that separate us all, and kept our bodies and souls and hearts and minds inside some sort of metaphysical circle * * * The first one of the recovery! * * * the good news is that the long wait is over. We woke up this morning and luxuriated in a slow, lazy, Saturday morning. And then it happened -- He pulled me in and announced that it was time for me to get a good spanking. I froze in my place, tucked in against His chest and was afraid to move --afraid that if I moved or said anything, I might make the moment vanish in a puff of smoke. But no, He told me to get my pillow, and we were off * * * And so it is that I have come to put down roots, literally and figuratively, in this place I now call home. There are no soaring peaks and very few of the stunning vistas that were my joy in my Colorado home, but here there are lovely colors and a warm and musical springtime and bleeding hearts in my garden