I find that, as I write here, I have a set of "rules" in my head about how to be here. They are rules imposed on my writing by ME. They are my own personal expectations for my conduct and my presentation. All these years spent living inside of someone else's expectation frame, and the minute it becomes "my" choice, I find I have very stringent "rules" all my own:
1. This is not a tell-all blog.
2. I refuse to trash talk anyone here.
3. I will not work to "make my case" or to get readers to "take sides."
4. I will write when and how I need to in order to see my own life, my own needs, my own thoughts, and my own choices clearly.
5. I will cherish those who choose to be here with me, but I will not get caught up in writing "for an audience."
6. I will tell the truth when it is possible to do that without violating any of my other precepts.
You know better than anyone.. how difficult it was for me to find my own self again after 10 years of living under another.
ReplyDeleteToday I believe it wasn't as much him as me .... I allowed it to happen. It will never happen again.. not as it was. There is a new way for us.. one we are working on...
As for you...... well what can I say.. I feel my blood boil when I read his words.. his twist ... and then I smack myself and remind myself that he is "sick" right now (so to speak) and can't be held responsible for his interpret ion of the events. His comments about the police shocked even me) So my blood boils and I bite my tongue cause oh dear lord I would like to speak my mind... but I won't.
I wonder if you have given any thought at all to finding someone to talk to .. a counselor for you - honestly I do believe it might help ....
ahhhhhhhh I will shut up now.. wrote more here than in the email...
Good.
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Sue, I just found you here. Minutes ago I sent you an e-mail and I am glad to see you are okay. At least as okay as you can be. I will follow you here and I am so glad you are writing. My e-mail was sincere, call if you need anything.
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