I am so sorry that we have not been all "sunny and light". I am so sorry that we have not had a daily shot of Sue's spanked ass. And I am so sorry that you are tired of all the whining.
This blog was not started as an entertainment blog. This blog is our life. And our life is not always pretty. Especially now. And if Tom needs to write to be able to work this out, then he should be able to write. And if that writing offends you, all you have to do is not read it. There is nothing in the "rules" that states you have to read every little thing that is written here.
Right now we are working at getting by and staying together. People who are our friends, should be able to be supportive, and if they cannot do that, perhaps staying away from us until we are all back to "sunny and light and spanked asses" might be better for them.
Reading what Tom writes is hard. It is sometimes painful. But it has been a way for him to work through his losses and pain and depression. Sue and I remain supportive and love him even when his writing is less than pleasant. That is what we do for the people we love.
I usually keep my fingers off the keys when I get ticked off. But I am tired of hearing people who call us friends, call us whiners. Yes, I said us....because if you point that at Tom, you point at Sue and me also, since we are a family.
Today has been a shitty day. I spent it with my Mom and she is not getting better. She is more needy and it hurts me to see her suffer. It hurts me to see her gasp for breath. It hurts me to know that this is probably my last Christmas with her. And I come home to blogisphere crap and I just want to scream.
If you haven't anything constructive to say, keep it to yourself. This is our blog. You are guests in our lives.
Now....Flame away!
T
I am an occasional lurker, gazing into the window you provide into your lives. I find the experience to be interesting, and when I do not, I simply stop looking. None of us, out here, can begin to understand what is happening for your family. That you work through your issues here is your choice, watching is mine. Your life together is messy, we all live imperfect lives with flawed characters.
ReplyDeleteI wish you the joy of survival.
Kate
Thank you, Dear Sister-heart. It is time for people to understand that we, all of us, are in a battle for our lives and our family here. If what we write causes discomfort, then it is best to just click onto one of the many blog links and read somewhere else. Most of our daily energy is going into trying to figure out how to manage the many elements of this, trying to figure out how to support one another through all the challenges, trying not to escalate the emotional pain levels, and trying to maintain some hopefulness in the face of a whole load of pain and misery. Those who have reached out with support and kindness and sometimes even words that encourage or help, you are gifts beyond what we can ever repay... Everyone else -- just don't look. Your judgments and censure are not helping any of us. Go away.
ReplyDeleteSue
Thank you my sweetie heart. I was worried that perhaps no one was ever going to be able to relate to my feelings meaningfully again. Of course, it would be you who would repond empathetically, lovingly, helpfully, supportively. I am not at all surprised, but I am reminded once again for the many thousandth time of your goodness, caring, strength, and caring for me and all three of us.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your advocacy and support here.
Mores & mores,
Tom
I agree we readers are guests in your lives. And yes, the writing is about communicating, you need to say it and it helps somehow to know it has been read by someone (at least that's the way for me).
ReplyDeleteAnd sometimes readers are ready to move on before you are. Tough shit for the reader. There are a million other blogs writing stuff that might interest them more. And if they don't like it they should click that little red X and move on.
Yes the blog has changed. It's not what it used to be. It's a reflection of your lives right now. Which are not what they used to be. Blogs about real lives change and reflect that. And sometimes real lives suck.
I wish I could come and hug all of you, take care of all of you. You all sound like you are bleeding and I'm so sorry.
I have read your blog for about a year and seen, pain, happiness, despair, joy, questioning, laughter but most of all I have read about your love for each other. It has been a privaledge to be able to rad about your lives and how you have faced the many challenges that have been thrown at you in the last months. If people do not like it, you are right there is a delete button on each computer, all they have to do is press it once.
ReplyDeleteI am sending support from an unknown "friend", hoping you will get through all of this together and come out the other side stronger than ever.
To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. ~e.e. cummings, 1955
as an anonymous lurker, please know that there are many out here who wish you all well and hope and pray that everything gets better. it will be a hard battle, but it is worth the fight, as you have already said. hang in there, buckle your seatbelt, it is going to get bumpy. but once you are through, you'll be glad.
ReplyDeleteThe delete key is your friend. You are not obligated to read or publish anything anyone else writes.
ReplyDeletePlease do not give your power away to people who simply do not matter. You matter, all 3 of you. No one else does. Keep the power to yourselves, nothing anyone else says matters a hoot. Everyone has an opinion about everything, who cares what others think? Ignore them.
As for your Mom, I am so very sorry to hear of the current state, and please know that in addition to keeping the 3 of you in my thoughts and prayers, your Mom is included. Support and encouragement, and well, courage, are yours always, all of you.
Tapestry
Hugs. To all 3 of you.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had the magic wand or magic words or magic beans that would make this all better... but I don't.
ReplyDeleteBECAUSE I don't I keep my fat mouth shut.
Not everyone chooses that path however. It is easy for people to oversimplify things by making them black and white and delude themselves into believing that they have all the answers... but in the end, these are your lives and the choices you make are entirely your own.
You grant us a window into that life, but we cannot assume from the view that you afford us that we even remotely grasp, in fullness, the reality that you are dealing with. We may see your footprints, but even that is no substitute for actually walking in your shoes.
I will continue to watch the footprints, and will likely keep my mouth shut unless I have something constructive to add.
Know that my thoughts are with the three of you, and I support any decisions you make about your lives - you are the only ones that know the whole story, the only ones who can decide what is best, and the only ones that can actually make the decisions.
Peace...
L
Dear T,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry about your mom. I support your decision to put her in hospice. The people that work as hospice staff are very special people. I've worked with hospice staff in the past and know that they will do everything in their powers to keep your mom comfortable. You have amazing strength to deal with your knee replacement and your mother's situation as well as trying to heal your family. You all remain in my thoughts and prayers...
With love to all of you,
Lyn
I'm with lia (re lots of hugs to you all) but T, I'm also so so sorry about your mother. I lost my parents when I was in my early 20s and I greatly envy friends who've been lucky to share longer lives with their own parents.
ReplyDeleteI know. This is utterly shitty. You are quite right. You are both (you and your mother) in my thoughts and prayers, as are all three of you.
Hang in there. Keep being that kitten hanging by it's claws.
I'm back, and so glad to find you still here working the good fight. Yep, when we are in pain, and especially feeling hopeless, many would like us to just pop up like a fishing bobber smiling all better. Unfortunately, for us and for them, the way back is usually hard fought and hard won, crawling, and clawing your way back - each member of the family for their own reasons. Hang in there, don't forget how valuable what you are fighting for is - you are each and all worth it, and able to do it. Back off and rest when you need to, then back in; it's a marathon not a sprint.
ReplyDeleteT, so sorry about your Mom as well. I cannot imagine how painful it is to do both at the same time. What a terrible year you have all had. Thinking of you all, and sending whatever good I can your way.