I have just been floating around on a haze of Percocet and trying to keep my family intact. I read a comment from Palamino, who said ...."But I can say that T has shocked me! Please tell her that she delights me. It's like ..."well we have this mess and I'm doing a happy dance!...."
I am hardly doing any dancing and happy is not in my world these days. I am recovering from a total knee replacement (11/19/10). I have a Mother who was just accepted into Hospice. I have a nephew who is acting out and is close to be thrown out of his father's home and the last resort is him going to my Mom's. I have a husband in crisis and I don't know how to help him find his way home to us. Sue has a screaming migraine today that has laid her low, none of the traditional or non-traditional remedies are helping. I want to get ready for Christmas, a holiday that has always been Tom's favorite, but I cannot think of doing anything more than dragging all the decorations to the driveway and setting them on fire.
I have found who are and who are not our friends online these past few weeks. To those of you who have expressed kindness and consideration, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your kindness has meant the world to us. And to those of you who have nothing to say but ugly hatefulness, I hope you NEVER have a crisis, because you will never have the strength to hold on when the winds are trying to beat you down.
No, I am not dancing.....I am clinging to my family with my fingertips. One never knows just how much they love someone until there is a chance they will no longer be with you. I am clinging, I am loving, I am hurting....but I am not dancing.
T
T,
ReplyDeleteAmongst so much sadness your brilliant knee recovery is wonderful to read about :)
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ReplyDeleteI am so happy that your recovery has been so smooth - at least physically. I wish your family could heal just as well. Just a question, are you all writing to help you better understand what is happening in your lives (which is a great idea) or are you interested in the opinions of those of us who can't really know all you are going through but who care anyway.
ReplyDeleteAt times there have been things I wanted to interject but of course it none of my business at all. So so far I have tried to keep my mouth shut and simply sent well wishes for you all.
I hope you can all enjoy Christmas and keep up the good work on your knee.
PK
Hang on with those fingertips as hard as you can. I have seen the strength of each of you through these years so I know you have what it takes to make it through this. It's just horrible making your way through. Hang on...
ReplyDeleteT,
ReplyDeleteI did not in any way mean to minimize your pain, grief, anguish, or hurt - physically and emotionally. I wish more than anything that at this time of personal sadness over your mother, you would have had the opportunity to share in a celebration of your mom's life with the 2 people you have love and shared your life for so many years with nothing but their support. I wish her many more days in peace and joy with you here. I apologize for expressing myself poorly, and truly am sorry if you found my words more hurtful. It was not my intention. I have been reading a good while. Sometimes the answers come in unusual ways, and it is my feeling that you are the sleeping giant. You are a remarkable woman. I merely hoped to encourage your voice and your spirit. I do think you are focusing on what is important. You may not know the answers or how to make sense of what is going on around you, but it seems as if you are living strongly in the moment. It's evident in all your words. The very best to you.
HUGS and strength to all of you. abby
ReplyDeleteTo all of you - Tom, Sue, T...
ReplyDeleteAs PK said - "At times there have been things I wanted to interject but of course it none of my business at all. So so far I have tried to keep my mouth shut and simply sent well wishes for you all."
That's how I'm feeling, and acting. I truly hope my silence has not been viewed as a lack of care, for anything and everything that's going on within the dynamic of your family or with each of you personally. I care very much about how you are all doing, individually and together.
And of course I have a great many opinions and ideas. But the reality remains that, even though you guys sometimes hold public "conversations" with one another here (like about Sue's other blog) that people may feel invited to jump in on (and may be welcome to!), I am choosing not to. This place remains simply a window to your world. Not a door I can step through, not a 360 degree view, just a window.
So I'm here and peeking in, as always. But in this situation, I won't be tapping on the glass and making comments about where to put the furniture or what color to pain the walls. I hope you all know that (for someone as opinionated and verbose as I am!) I do this not out of uncaring or callousness, but out of the highest level of respect for you all.
~Chloe
I've read your blog for quite a while now, and you guys have been going through more than a lot lately. I guess I have been reading because the love between you has been so obvious. The love is still there, I'm sure, but it's hard to sort it out in when you are all in pain. I'll keep sending you good thoughts, hoping you will find peace and togetherness again, without too many scars to live with. Hold on!
ReplyDeleteHugs Annelin
I'm sure you're all going to get tired of hearing me say the same thing, but it's all I've got. I can just read and hurt for you all and hope, pray and wish that it will all straighten itself out and you will all become even stronger together for having gone through it. Hugs, love, and hope to you all....hang in there T.
ReplyDeletebutterfly